Johnny Jump Up

I’ll Tell you a story that happened to me,
One day As I went down to Yawl by the sea.
The sun it was bright, and the day it was warm,
Says I, "A quiet pint wouldn’t do me no harm."
I went to the barman, I said "Give me a stout."
Says the barman, "I’m sorry, all the beer ‘tis sold out,"
"Try whiskey or vodka, ten years in the wood."
Says I, "I’ll try cider, I heard that it’s good!"

Chorus:
Oh never, oh never, oh never again.
If I live to a hundred or a a hundred and ten.
‘Cause I fell to the ground and I couldn’t get up,
after drinking a pint of the Johnny Jump Up.

After loweren the third I headed straight for the yard,
Where I bumped into Brophy, the big civic gaurd.
"Come here to me boy, don’t you know I’m the law?"
Well I upped with my fists and I shatterd his jaw.
He fell to the ground with his kness doubled up,
But it twasn’t I hit him twas the Johnny Jump Up,

And the next thing I met down in Yawl by the sea,
Was a cripple, on crutches, and says him to me.
"I’m afraid for me life I’ll be hit by a car,"
"Won’t you help me across to the railwayman’s bar."
And after three pints of that cider so sweet,
He threw down his crutches, and he danced on his feet.

Chorus:

I went up the Lea road, a friend for to see,
They call it the madhouse of Cork by the Lea.
And when I got up there, the truth I do tell,
They had the poor bugger locked up in his cell.
Says the gaurd testing him "Say these words if you can;
Around the ragged rocks, the ragged rascal ran."
"Tell them I'm not crazy, tell them I'm not mad,
twas only six pints of that cider I had!"

Chorus

Now a man died in the union by the name of Mcnabb.
They washed him and placed him outside on a slab.
And adter the coronor he measurements did take,
His wife took him home, to a bloody fine wake.
Was about 12 o'clock, and the beer it was high,
The corpse, he staup, and says with a sigh,
"I can't get to heaven, they won't let me up,
till I bring them a pint of the Johnny Jump Up."